Nowadays

 

Patience is hard to practice and usually something I want to avoid at all costs. Many times I’ve thought I’ve grown patient but I now see that I’ve actually just resigned to situations when I can do nothing to speed up the process.

The other night I was telling Chris (the boyfriend) that I was tired of waiting on our personal lives.

He told me (didn’t suggest or sweetly reminded but it was more of a command) to practice patience. After a pause he said:

“I am loving this!”

“What?” I asked assuming I knew the answer…

“Patience,” he said to my dissapointment.

After he left my house that night I went to bed many hours later thinking about it. He is loving practicing patience, why am I not??

Then God dropped this in my heart: If I am loving going to the gym and getting stronger and fitter then I should too love patience. Sometimes it sucks to go to the gym, but for the most part the thought of being strong and healthy and get rid of stress motivates me big time.

That did it. Yes, through the day I don’t like waiting, but I like practicing patience now! I am on it trying to perfect it.

I saw Chris tonight and I got to tell him about my little revelation about patience…he was excited.

This actually came about because he leaned over to kiss my cheek, nose, then lips. I pulled away a little and in confession I whispered:

“I am afraid of letting you kiss me.”

“I am afraid of kissing you too,” he responded.

That was such a big moment. There was an incredible amount of intimacy since we let each other in through that small phrase. I pretty much told him: you rock my world and socks off and I am afraid of stepping over boundaries, I want to keep my purity this night, I want you too also, you have a powerful influence in me, you are handsome, I love and desire you greatly, I respect you, I want to honor God with all my heart, I want this kiss bad but I want purity even more, …

His response droped in my heart with such weight. His response told me: I love you and I want to honor God and keep our purity, I respect you, I like you a lot, I can’t wait to be with you forever…

It was a powerful moment and ironically our lips touched lightly if even.

I sat back and he rested his arm behind me; his armpits smelled so good like his deodorant. I told him about how I used to be scared of the marriage stories I’ve heard. Men and women attested that in the beginning of their marriage there was fiery passion and it was intoxicating but as time went by everything was so stale and unexciting. I hated the idea of my marriage following that pattern!

But fighting for purity and honoring God with the utmost and innermost of our hearts and lives means to me, to us, that we are definitely rising above emotions and cravings of the flesh. The more I delve into God and practice obedience in all levels my confidence rises and I grow more grounded in him. I got this new hope and excitement for my marriage in the future that I won’t allow the staleness to come through and take over since God is training me to rise above my emotions and lame flesh cravings. This is good!

The cravings of the flesh are to be selfish vs the command of Jesus to serve one another. From serving one another intimacy follows automatically. Ultimately there is sacrifice and sincerity for no one that doesn’t truly love will put himself/herself to the side for others. This is sowing love which in turn will produce love and fruit of life. Staleness cannot fester in a marriage or any type of relationship if both parties are always stretching to give more. But this can only be done with Christ in our lives since the flesh always seeks for itself and it is such a hard to tame habit.

I used to hate knowing that the date was so far away but now I am excited because I get more time to practice before sharing living quarters, a bathroom, a closet, a mirror, a bookcase, and a dirty clothes hamper with Chris.

The love of my life is such an interesting man! It’s so fun to be with him: he makes me laugh, we talk about serious stuff, we just sit there in silence and I cannot get enough of it, we talk about God and the scripture and our friends and how we can influence people better. Sometimes we argue and we try so hard not to be mean to each other and I am getting better by it in “arguing nice.” I love my life with him; he’s such a blessing from my God!

So, since the moment I realized that growing patience would grow my ability to not let emotions take a hold of me and my household I started loving the practice of patience.

I have to give thanks and worship my God for being so loving and full of grace. He knows our hearts and has provided people to support and love us and gives us words of life. I love my life with God, he is so beautiful!