I couldn’t sleep last night.
I was thinking too much, and couldn’t stop, about the things that I should do today. All of it involved something to make sure the day goes good or to try and correct what went bad before.
I find it that when I don’t like what I look like currently or how life is panning out I retrive to the future and dream and wish, and sometimes sadly, envy starts creepying up when I see older people (not people my age) living what I wish my life was like. It is so easy to retrieve to the future because what is in the past we know we can’t take back again. The future offers hope.
As much as try to live in the now …. I almost want to say I can’t.
Writing this I stopped for a few seconds because I wanted to find some eloquent, or smart sounding wording to describe that I just can’t.
Wow, there was almost a certain freedom saying those words. I am not comdening myself to a life of self-proclaimed can’t-do. I just took the freedom to say “I can’t.”
As christians we are supposed to have this happy-go-lucky attitude because of the verse that says “I can do all things in Christ…”
And then there is the cultural “Just do it. Nothing is impossible. etc”
There is a point I am sure when we end up believing that power is in us. But there is a sense of comfort of coming to the end of my rope (shortened on purpose for my sanity) and then figuring out that it all rests in God.
So, I guess I should go back to work at the moment and figure out that I am supposed to be content in this moment.
